"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." ~ Mark Twain

People are messy, would you agree? I mean, it's all fine to love the ones that are nice but what do you do with the ones that are not so nice? What do you do when you don't have a good strategy for constructive interaction because it is so outside of workable? I think the thing that can be so humbling is how quickly the best intentions can be undone and the fact that it reflects more on the state of my own heart than other people and their quirks. It's all fine to leave people to their micromanaging but when I'm in the cross hares I confess I have no defense. It doesn't fit into any of my constructs and so my instinct to rebel is my immediate reaction. I want it to not be this way and what I am realizing is that the only thing I can control in the situation is me. I'm also realizing that I need a ton of help with this. Indeed, it is not something I can even hope to have victory in for a second apart from Jesus. I need Him to keep His hand over my mouth. I need Him to respond with grace when met with provocation. I need Him for insight and wisdom and patience in situations that are beyond stressful when they don't need to be. Honestly, this is what I'm hung up on about the whole thing. What is it about us that makes things so much more dramatic and difficult than they need to be? I don't have an answer for others and the truth is, it's their baggage. I'm trying to just do what I'm supposed to do. On the positive side, my prayer life is quite active! God help me keep You in the middle of the moments that push me to frustrated. They say you don't know what's in a sponge until you give it a good squeeze. May what comes out of me be You: patience, grace, kindness, compassion, and self-control.

Today's adventure was twenty years in the making. The tire above in this photo is the first bicycle tire I've EVER changed by myself!! Oh, I've had the tools since I got the bike twenty years ago. I bought the bike, a Bridgestone RB-T, to ride in Cycle Oregon the year after I moved here. I spent so much on it, though, that I couldn't afford to go on the trip! My bicycle and I have been through more adventures than I can write about here, including a stint of being given away in Oregon and being given back to me in Mexico! That's a story in itself of faith, covetousness, and trusting the Lord with everything we own, but I digress. I have popped a few tires in the years I've had her but I was never brave enough to actually try to change them myself...until today. Being somewhat of the temperament of easily frustrated, I've always left the intertubes to the "professionals," reasoning that it was worth the money to avoid the hassle. Today, though, I took it on, using the back of Rubie as my workbench. It took about 15 minutes and went without a hitch. I know it sounds silly but I am beyond excited that this occurred tonight!! The bike shop wanted 16.99 to change it so I'm feelin' extra thrifty, too. I'm letting it sit for the evening to make sure there's still air in it tomorrow. Then, it'll be off to the hills again! :-)

Rod and I went to Hillsboro stadium for "One", the once-a year, all-body gathering of the church we attend (Solid Rock). There was a ton of people, both faces we recognize and many we do not. As we walked the grounds, ate dinner, and mingled, I was struck with great affection for the people in the place. Say what you will about church and "organized religion." I confess I probably said worse in my earlier days, but here's the thing really. We are all just a bunch of people, none more "gooder" than the others, none more righteous than others, just people, all neked underneath our clothes. What is so inspiring and comforting about being in the crowds of believers and seekers is the very real presence of the Spirit who drew us there for one purpose. Namely, to be loved and love in the name of the One who gave His life for us. Community to me says, "come, unity," an invitation to gather and be of one mind, one accord, and one body. Having lived many days as a loner before Jesus, yet craving a sense of belonging to something bigger than myself, I have to say it is one of the most completing senses I've known. I have come to understand that this is what we were created to recognize in ourselves and others. We were made to both worship and be in relationship and the hole in me is filled only by Jesus Himself. We were made to be connected to both Him and His kids. As we walked through the crowds, I was also made aware of the fact that one of the greatest gifts I've been given is the man I was blessed to marry two years ago. I love, LOVE to hang out with him in places like this. I love his company and his hand holding mine as we walk. I have been given a great friend and it is in moments like this evening that this is really magnified. We live in a society that values independence but I confess I'm rather learning to love dependence on the One who knows me best because in trusting Him to know my heart, I'm gifted the very thing I desire most. I am given all that I never knew I needed.

Have you ever thought that, even though you've never had a garden, you'd like to try? Let me encourage you to go for it! We stuck some seeds in the ground and have been delighted to be blessed with all the results this year. It is true, "One waters, another sows, but it is God who gives the increase." There is so much of Jesus in the garden, from the vines growing to the weeding, to the rich soil, my faith has been fed because of my time in the Son. Happy Growing!! :-)

Tonight, I am tired. I wonder sometimes how Jesus did it AND stayed up through the night on hilltops and in the lonely places praying AFTER the days of feeding, touching, healing, teaching, and living. And yet, it was these moments in His life that made all those other events possible because it was in this time that He was spending time with the Father, discerning His will and praying for His friends. I confess that tonight, after three 12 hour days at work, caring for people; shaving them, bathing them, feeding them ice chips, titrating medications, walking, sitting, standing, going to bed, getting out of bed, eating, giving medication, walking, etc. Mostly what they and their families need is encouragement, lots of encouragement. May I say that there is much work that goes into partnering with people who are healing? I can only physically be in one place at a given time and yet, sometimes, more is required.  I love my job, and I'm hugely privileged to care for the people that are placed before me but I have my limitations. Without time with Jesus, I'm greatly limited in what I have to offer because it comes from my own shallow well. It is the water that flows from Him that causes the torrents. Tonight, I am reminded of something else as I type this. It is tempting to want to be in all the places at once, doing everything simultaneously for all the people who ask but honestly, that is unrealistic. The truth is, not even Jesus did that. Instead, He daily spent time in communication with the Father and then went out and carried out His will for that day. He ministered according to obedience, not according to need. Lord, help me hear You in the daily crunch as alarms are ringing, and call bells are dinging. Keep me singing, Jesus and give me Your heart to be a servant no matter what is going down around me.

I am challenged this morning to find the adventure in the days that are hard. What do you do when there is a situation or circumstance that is bigger than you? I cannot change it, I cannot manipulate it, I can only love the people affected by it. We are limited in our abilities sometimes, but what I am learning  is that the Lord's heart for us sometimes is to just be together in the moments that make up that situation.  In my season in the trauma center, I learned this: Life is short. Love now. Don't wait until next week or next year to speak the kind words, the healing words, the forgiving words. Don't assume that there will be that kind of time. Make it now for the ones who matter. Sometimes, we can get so focused on "doing" we end up like Martha missing the better part of sitting at Jesus' feet. We miss the sweetness because we're focused on fixing things. Today, in the midst of the difficult, my adventure plan is to just live the moment with the one I'm with, to love the people that are with me there, and to commit the day to Him who knows what it will bring. In this way, my eyes are fixed not on the challenging or frightening, but on the opportunity to gather up the minutes and live them for good.